Trust us - we're the news! (song)

Please click "Subscribe" to support me and get notified of new videos. Follow me on X! https://x.com/shaulb Spotify: https://ift.tt/ZJ5M43Y Apple Music: https://ift.tt/0MOlvrQ Lyrics: [News intro] This just in: Israeli forces have deliberately targeted a Gaza kindergarten, killing exactly 4,503 civilians—confirmed within minutes after the explosion by the Gaza Health Ministry. We'll have zero verification and endless outrage… right after this. [Verse 1] We break the news at half past lies, No time to fact-check, just dramatize. A “Gaza Health Ministry” source? Straight to print with no remorse. We put “Israel says” in quotes, But let Hamas write all our notes. A hundred kids? We don’t ask why— We scream it loud: Stop the Genocide! [Chorus] 🎶 Trust us, we’re the news! We’ve got a bias you can’t lose. From Doha to the BBC, We parrot lies so easily. We’ll doubt what every Jew asserts, But amplify the terror blurts. Our moral lens is yours to choose— Trust us… we’re the news. 🎶 [News alert] Breaking now: Israeli soldiers are believed to have poisoned Gaza’s only water reservoir using genetically engineered cholera fish. Officials say a bubonic plague outbreak has claimed 624 lives—many of them puppies with big, cute eyes. Developing story. [Verse 2] Iran hangs teens for showing hair, But that won’t trend, so we don’t care. Sudan burns black, no time to post— We’re busy grilling Israel’s toast. In Syria, the Druze still die, While Europe shakes Julani’s hand--why? He backs a Sunni-only plan, But hey—at least he’s not The Zionist Man™. [Chorus] 🎶 Trust us, we’re the news! We shape the facts you’re meant to use. From CNN to Channel 4, We’re truth’s elite revolving door. If Hamas cries, we amplify, If Israel speaks, we squint and sigh. We curate rage in stylish hues— Trust us… we’re the news. 🎶 [News alert] We’re receiving harrowing reports that an IDF sniper has personally shot down 19 UN relief drones… and one endangered stork. Sources close to the scene claim the soldier was smiling. We warn viewers—these images may contain facts. Ha-ha, just kidding! [Verse 3] Only place in the Middle East Where women vote and gay men feast. Arabs judge in courts of law, Not under Shariah or tribal awe. Where Christians ring their Sunday bell, And protest signs don’t land in jail. You scream at Bibi in the square? No secret police, no need to beware. But say all that? It breaks the spell— So we just show a bombed hotel. No nuance here, no need to try, Just cue the kids and let them cry. [Chorus] 🎶 Trust us, we’re the news! We write the script for global views. From Al Jazeera to Sky TV, We serve the rage you want to see. If facts get in the way? That’s fine. We’ve got a narrative by design. We pick the villains. You just choose— Trust us… we’re the news. 🎶 [News alert] The famine in Gaza is now entering its seventeenth month, and everybody is dying. Please pay no attention to the portliness of the Hamas gunmen whining about starvation. [Bridge] They march in pride, they chant and rhyme, With posters: “Queers for Palestine.” But in the Strip, that same bold sign— Would earn a fall from roof to spine. No kiss, no drag, no love, no laugh, Just stones and shame and martyr’s wrath. They back a place that bans their name… And still they think we’re the ones to blame. [Final Chorus] 🎶 Trust us, we’re the news! We shape your world and light your fuse. From TikTok clips to nightly feeds, We harvest outrage, sow the seeds. We whisper lies in global ears, Then wash our hands and dodge the tears. It’s facts we fear, not rockets or shoes— Trust us… we’re the news. 🎶 [Final credits] This program was brought to you by a generous grant from the government of Qatar—because nothing says “free press” like an absolute monarchy. Up next: “Did Israel ruin your breakfast?”—a deep dive. And later: “Is the IDF controlling pigeons with lasers?” But first… a special report on Zionist weather manipulation and the weaponization of falafel. Stay with us.